Saturday, May 12, 2007
Mixed feelings. Yes, i repeat mixed feelings. Just as the tittle above, I'm feeling it. Why? To be honest I really don't have the answer to that. Right now as I'm sitting here alone at home in Malacca in this hot weather, I'm dreading for the time to past coz I'll be leaving back for Singapore in a matter of hours time.
It has been 7 months now, going on to 8 but somehow or rather where I'm staying in Singapore can never replace my home here back in Malacca. Some of my colleagues wonder how I do it, just like for the sake of being home for a matter of hours I would still travel back? Go back to Malacca one day, come back the next day?
If you ask any sane person, he or she would tell you at least try to get 2 or 3 days off instead of one.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm a homeboy or a cookoo guy. Singapore's alright. I did managed to find my feet back there a long time ago, though I admit the first few months still felt like shit. Coming into the country without knowing anybody or my way around. Now I've made many new friends, learn new traits and added character to my personality. But somehow or rather I still feel something missing. It makes you wonder whether is $$$ all worth it? Though it's important for survival and prosperity but somehow life means more than tat to me.
But all changed when I started going out with you. With all due respect to the previous ones, you really do stand out from the rest. It's not much of a difference compared to my previous relationship, long distant but I somehow or rather feel more relaxed in this relationship of ours. I like being in long, deep, meaningful relationships and want this to never end and being with you makes me feel that though the wait might be a little long but it'll all be worth it. (Just as long as it don't take forever la, luckily we have plans)
We have to be online most of the time just to talk and see each other. Here in Malacca doesn't feel right and I don't come online here much. Back in Singapore, it feels like home when I'm with you online. Perhaps thats the reason why I have mixed feelings. Anyway, it's not like we won't be able to meet each other ever again. We will. I give you my word.
Anyway I guess that's why I'm having mixed feelings. Either that or it's because I wanna go kagak again. You be the judge.